Owen Wilson, Dolly Parton, Nicki Minaj, Ellen Degeneres, Miley Cyrus, Chester Bennington, Jim Carrey, Angelina Jolie, Robin Williams, The actor-brad pitt, etc. What do you think these super famous people, who have all the luxuries on the planet, have in common? They have all battled with depression at some point of time in their life. Some of them have won the battle while some have succumbed to it, but these have been outspoken about the crippling condition that is depression, reminding us that unless people know how to talk to someone with depression, it could become potentially fatal.
Depression is a condition where the person suffering from it feels an intense sense of dejection and loneliness and disillusionment towards life where they are unable to perceive positivity or imbibe any type of optimism. This could lead to intense loneliness and alienation from friend, family and community. It can also cause suicidal tendencies, desolation, low-spiritedness and pessimism.
Even though there is therapy and medication for depression, it's after all, a psychological problem, and people suffering from depression have to be communicated with very carefully. If you are close to someone who is struggling with depression, then chances are they can come to you to talk or ask advice from. You may be equipped to handle a situation like this, because people with depression have to be spoken with very carefully so that no negative thoughts are triggered from your words, even if you didn't mean any harm. Know that is they are talking to you, or maybe they are seeking out your company, they're seeking some kind of solace of your stuff, and you need to know how to offer it, without sounding patronizing or dismissive.
If you are trying to figure out how to talk to someone with depression, here are a few pointers that could help you cope with the situation, while simultaneously assisting the person suffering from the condition.
Things You SHOULD Say To Someone With Depression
Here are the things that you should say somebody who has depression, to make them feel better:
1. “Tell me how you are feeling.”
Asking someone with depression how they are feeling, genuinely, can genuinely make them feel like they have an outlet. When you ask them how they are feeling, you are extending an invitation to confide. Additionally, it gives them a platform to speak about their feelings and what is it that's bringing them down mentally. Even when they might not start talking immediately, you are showing them that you care enough to pay attention.
2. “You are not alone in this.”
One of the worst symptoms of depression is the feeling of loneliness, where the person feels like there is no one together, that they are isolated and alone within their struggle, which causes alienation within their lives. Simply acknowledging that they're going through something and saying that you are there to help them through it is very helpful when talking to someone with depression.
3. “What can one do to help?”
The person who is struggling with depression might not know themselves what they need, or what you can do to help, but saying this to a person who is suffering shows that you care, and that you are willing to do something and dedicate your time and effort to help them through this period.
4. “You needn't be okay right now.”
Sometimes, people who suffer from depression feel even more alone and guilty simply because they feel obligated to be “cheerful” and “happy” to satisfy and console the people around them who're worried by their condition. This only makes their condition worse. Tell depressed people who they can take their time working through this, which is important that they get better in their own pace, without feeling pressured by other people.
5. “You are important to me.”
Knowing they are important to someone can help with their isolation, loneliness, dejection and self-esteem to a great extent. However, you have to make sure that you mean what you say and show them that they are important with little gestures, so that they know they have someone to depend on.
6. “You are so strong.”
People suffering from depression have a problem going about the most normal things in their day-to-day life. Even getting up from bed every day is a difficult task for them. Let them know that they are string for being able to go from day to day without succumbing to their depression.
7. “I am not likely to abandon you.”
A fear of abandonment is one thing that depressed people feel constantly, which is why they alienate themselves further. Show them that you are there for them, and that through and after the ordeal, you're still going to be there for them.
8. “I enjoy (something) about you.”
Show your appreciation on their behalf by reminding them of their talents and their qualities. Let them know that they are capable and have potential and that it is going to be realized at some point of time in the future, no matter how bleak it might look now.
9. “You make me happy.”
By making them a part of your happiness, you're showing them that they are included and loved and not alone; that there is someone on the planet whose happiness is directly the result of their presence and they do have a reason to wake up every single day and carry on with life.
10. “This isn't your fault.”
Depressed people usually have a guilty conscience, causing them to be feel as though their actions are responsible for their mental state. Depression is usually caused by a person's circumstances, which has to be told to the person constantly. Knowing that they aren't responsible for what they are feeling helps them overcome the chances.
Things You SHOULD NOT Say To Someone With Depression
The following things could make matters worse, which is why you should not say these things under any circumstances:
1. “Cheer up.”
2. “This is just a phase.”
3. “People have it much worse.”
4. “Why are you currently always depressed?”
5. “Even I was depressed once for a few days.”
6. “There is no reason for you to definitely be depressed.”
7. “Happiness is a choice.”
8. “It's all in your mind.”
9. “Stop being selfish.”
10. “Your problems are nothing compared to mine.”
11. “Stop whining.”
To be honest, other great tales. You can be very insensitive while speaking to someone with depression without realizing it. What you have to understand truly, is that it isn't something that can control. No one wants to be depressed voluntarily, and jeopardize their lives and cause distress to the people around them. It is a highly debilitating condition, which renders the person stuck and unable to make any progress within their lives because their thoughts hold them back, which is where you come in, and offer your unconditional love and support.
When learning how to talk to someone with depression, here are a few more pointers that you should bear in mind.
- Be patient with them. Don't be short-tempered once they aren't speaking or laughing like they normally do or are extra quiet or needy.
- Accompany them to places. If that is impractical, at least offer your company, even if they are going to the supermarket or to the park.
- Don't start offering “practical” and “logical” solutions as soon as they start confiding in you. They will immediately withdraw, simply because they aren't looking for solutions- they are looking for someone who will listen to them.
- Don't get aggressive. Even raising your voice to say how unfair things are for them is going to scare them making them feel like you are annoyed or getting impatient with them.
- Show them that you genuinely care and that they are not a burden to you. Offer to get along with them and talk to them and look for them, so that they don't have to come to you for help or even for a conversation when they want to. You may be willing to be there for them, but if they have to approach you every time, it will make them seem like you don't want to be around them.
- Do things and go to places that they like. If they are skilled at cooking or dancing, or they like going to the movies or playing a particular kind of sports, engage them in things they're good at. Even small successes and achievements will ease their depression.
Talking to someone with depression and behaving with them the right way is key. Once they are comfy with you, and they start confiding in you, you can ask them to go talk to a professional, so that they get actual treatment, while you are there for them simultaneously. Unless depressed individuals are handled with utmost care, the problem could become potentially fatal, which is why knowing is as important for the people around them.